Death is a natural part of our lifecycle, yet it can be a crippling experience. Grief can leave many people feeling stuck, unable to move forward long after the passing of a loved one.
As a well-being coach and meditation teacher, I help others become more present and embodied to process their emotions and move through difficult situations. When I say “embodied,” I mean being more connected with our bodies, feelings, and sensations.
We tend to think of emotions as mainly a psychological thing. But this is because so many of us have learned to ignore the physical experience of being in our bodies. As you learn to slow down and tune in, you’ll notice how your feelings are expressed in your physical body—and you’ll unlock a new way to process your emotions more deeply. This approach isn’t only for grief but also applies to emotions like trauma, anger, and others that we often hold inside, and can lead to physical pain or illness.
The Natural Process of Grief
When teaching about stress and the body, I often use animals as an example. Wild animals frequently face life-threatening situations, which activate a natural “fight-or-flight” stress response. But unlike humans, who can carry the burden of trauma for years, animals recover quickly. After a stressful event—like being chased by a predator—they shake, stretch, or move vigorously to release the energy and chemicals generated by the stress response.
Animals are connected to their bodies and nature; they don’t overanalyze. They simply allow their bodies to process emotions and release energy. We were also designed to process the effects of stress and life-changing events similarly. However, we often get stuck, overthink, or keep the response within us rather than allowing it to be released.
Learning from animals and how they grieve can help us to embody similar practices to better process, integrate, and release these emotions.
Step 1: Feel the Grief
To process a painful event, like the loss of a loved one, we need to be present with our grief. This begins by feeling the grief and being in our bodies. Our bodies, energies, and environments are designed to help us alchemize and process emotions. Animals were designed the same way.
Elephants are one of the most intelligent and family-oriented animals, and they exhibit a natural grieving process. It was observed that when a female elephant named Tonie gave birth to a stillborn baby, she stayed with her deceased calf for four days, alone in the heat, guarding it from lions. When an elephant remains by the side of a newly deceased, it’s common for their families to return to the site to mourn the loss and console the loved one who may have stayed, like Tonie.
Tonie needed time to grieve beside her calf and mourn her loss, but eventually, she moved on. She didn't forget but was able to continue with her family. Humans are the same way: we need to give grief our attention to process it. To move through grief, it helps to be in our bodies as much as possible, allowing ourselves to feel the weight of what we are experiencing.
Step 2: Express the Grief
Expressing grief is equally important, whether through tears, words, movement, stillness, or other outlets that help us to feel and release. Once you allow yourself to feel the emotions, you can begin to move through them by expressing them.
Animals express grief physically as well. Many, like elephants, have been observed crying when mourning. Humpback whales and dolphins have been observed making loud, mournful sounds after an offspring dies. Some have been observed pushing or carrying the body of their deceased offspring with them for days, unable to let go just yet.
All of these acts were ways for the animals to express or hold space for their grief. To give space and recognition to their emotions. Some humans, however, put effort into fighting their emotions, suppressing tears, or stifling sounds of grief. Many people try to carry on as if nothing major has happened, keeping busy in their everyday activities to avoid feeling the grief and pain.
Sometimes it’s not what you do that helps you process the grief, but instead what you don’t do: giving yourself space to grieve. This may mean that you sleep in or lay in bed longer, that you don’t go to work as usual, or that you don’t stay busy with your everyday activities. It’s okay to slow things down. When you've experienced a major loss, it's not business as usual. We need time to express our grief.
Step 3: Share the Grief
Humans and animals alike benefit from their community in times of grief. Elephants comfort each other, taking turns spending time near the deceased and checking on those most affected. Monkeys gather in groups and hug one another. Giraffes have been witnessed wrapping their necks around one another in an embrace.
This is not just for the benefit of the animal closest to the deceased. Sharing our grief, and accepting expressions of grief and support, also helps others in their grieving process.
Humans are also social beings who thrive in community. We need our community to share the grief. Accept the embrace of your loved ones—maybe you don't think you need it, but perhaps they do. Accept consolation and support as part of the grieving process. When you grieve with others, you share the weight of the grief.
Allow Your Body to Guide You
The body’s natural intelligence helps guide us through healing. Grounding practices like deep breathing, yoga, movement, and meditation can help you to become more embodied. Our bodies are built to bring us to a balanced state of health. When we are embodied we allow grief to move through us.
There is no timeline for grief—it ebbs and flows like waves. As you allow yourself to feel each emotion, trust your body’s natural wisdom to guide you through healing. Grieving someone with whom you shared a complex relationship may add more layers to the process, and that's okay. This can bring up unresolved feelings like anger or guilt. In these moments, simply observe the emotions that arise. Do your best not to get attached or overthink them: simply notice and release them without passing judgment.
Turn to your loved ones, network, and community for support. Seek out a professional if you feel you need more assistance.
