When you hear the word “family,” what—or rather, who—do you picture? As much as some of us take this concept for granted, it’s actually one that’s quite open to interpretation.
You’ve got your biological family, the people you’re related to by blood; you’ve got the extended family members that have found their way into the family tree by marriage; some of us have adoptive parents or adopted children; and of course, many of us have chosen or “found” families, the people we’ve decided to centre in our lives.
In short, our definition of “family” has grown and evolved a lot over the past few decades. One of the most common evolutions is that of the blended family: families where one or both parents have previously been married and/or have children from a previous relationship. The key question here is: how do stepchildren fit into Aging & End of Life Planning?
Blended families and Wills
In Ontario, if somebody dies intestate (i.e. dies without a Will), their spouse and children are automatically entitled to a part of their Estate. But if you have stepchildren through a common-law relationship, or you have not officially adopted them yet, they’ll have to be named in your Will in order to receive an inheritance (or there needs to be a clause indicating that they are included among your “children”).
So, if you have stepchildren and you want them to inherit part of your Estate, they should be included in your Will. But there are familial considerations to take into account here as well. If your stepchildren are included in your Will, what exactly should that look like?
As with so many things in life, there’s no one answer to this question. Every blended family is different, and every stepparent has a unique relationship with each of their stepchildren. If you’ve married into a blended family, here are just a few of the questions you may want to ask yourself during the Estate Planning process.
How old are your stepkids?
Often, the kinds of bonds that stepparents and stepchildren develop depend on how old the children are when their families “blend” together.
For example, if you become a stepmom while the kids are still young, and you end up playing an active role in raising them, there’s a solid chance those children will come to view you as a kind of third parent—or at least, as a central caregiver in their lives.
On the other hand, if you marry someone new after their kids are grown up and independent, it’s unlikely you’ll develop the same kind of parental bond with them.
These factors will most likely influence how you feel when considering whether or not to include stepchildren in your Will.
Do you have kids of your own?
By which we mean: do you have your own biological children? If you do, do you consider your stepchildren to be “yours” in the same way? How does your spouse feel about your children? What kind of relationships do your biological children have with their stepsiblings?
These are all things to think about when deciding whether to include stepkids in your Will, and how much you want to leave them. The relationships between all these different family members could potentially lead to conflict down the road—for example, if your biological children feel that it’s unfair for your stepkids to inherit an equal slice of your Estate.
There could also be tension if you and your spouse have different ideas about how stepchildren should factor into your Wills. What if you decide to include your stepchildren equally in your Will, but your partner decides to leave more of their Estate to their biological children? These are tricky conversations that it’s worth having early on, to avoid unpleasant surprises for anybody.
Where’s your stepkid’s other parent?
Is your new spouse divorced? Widowed? The answer to this question could impact both the kind of relationship you have with your stepchildren AND the financial considerations at play when you write your Will.
For example, let’s say you’re a stepdad to kids whose biological father is still alive. Not only might it be a little trickier to get close to them, but now you also need to think about what kind of inheritance they may or may not be receiving from that other parent. If you know they’re likely to receive a sizeable inheritance from their biological dad, you may feel more comfortable reserving more of your Estate for your own children and spouse. Conversely, if they don’t have a good relationship with that other parent, you might think about factoring them into your Will a little bit more.
The bottom line
There’s only one universal piece of advice when it comes to planning for blended families: make sure you’re communicating clearly. Have a conversation with your family members before you make any firm decisions, and make sure that everybody knows what to expect from your Will before it comes into play. If that sounds daunting, it could be that you just need a qualified Legacy Coordinator to guide you and your family members through the process.
